This is the last column where I will officially be known as Terri Buller.
On June 16 I am tying the knot with my beloved who has wormed his way into the hearts of all three of you who read this column. (Thanks, Mom, Dad and Chris!)
The next time you read my column, instead of Buller, I shall be named Melheim.
It feels so great to have finally found that one person I will annoy for the rest of my life!
Initially we had decided that since both of us had done the big wedding thing before, this time we were going to keep it low key.
We didn’t want a big ta-do with hundreds of friends and family gawking in a hot church as we pledged our undying love to each other.
That’s not really our style. And frankly, I?don’t believe Chris has ever had any kind of fabric besides the cotton t-shirts are made from and the denim his jeans are made from touching his skin.
He likes to be comfortable and I’m perfectly fine with that. In all fairness, I can’t remember the last time I wore a dress or nylons (are those still in style?)?
In any case, we asked pastor-by-day-and sports-writer-by-night Josh Doughty if he would marry us.
“I will not marry you, but I would be honored to officiate your ceremony,” he told me.
“How long would you like the ceremony to last?” he asked.
“Three to five minutes,”?I?said.
He laughed. I didn’t.
“Seriously, Terri. Even if I read the vows out of the book it will take at least 10 minutes,”?he said.
“Okay!” I replied.
He asked if I had any music or solist.
This time I laughed.
All joking aside, it is a very simple wedding. Our previous marriages had been about just that—the wedding. This time we wanted to put the expense and showboating aside and concentrate on the reason we are gathering our friends and family together—for support and encouragement as we begin a new journey together as husband and wife.
After we met with Josh to discuss the ceremony and time frame, it all became so much more real to me than it has been since we began planning this simple ceremony.
Originally, I was unsure about how I felt having our children be a part of the ceremony. After all, children are supposed to come AFTER?marriage. But my dear friends explained to me that it is important for our children to be a part of this happy day because they love us and want us to be happy as much as we want that for them.
People who don’t realize we are not having a traditional ceremony will ask me to describe what the ceremony will be like. For a while, when the look on people’s face was clearly astonishment that a bride would put so little effort toward her ‘big day’ I found myself feeling a little sheepish.
By nature, and because I?think all little girls begin planning their wedding at age 5, I have had a tendency to try to make things a bit more complicated. But then I remembered that we have carefully planned this wedding with thoughtfulness.
The reason we?wanted a simple ceremony is because love, really, is a very simple, involuntary act of giving your heart to someone. Fan fair and showboating can take away from the reason two people are publicly giving their hearts to each other. This day is not about if we can put on an impressive ceremony.
Love isn’t about the perfect day or even finding the perfect person. Love is about taking an ordinary imperfect day and learning to see it perfectly, just as love is not about finding the perfect person, but learning to see the imperfect person perfectly.
On June 16 (the 5-year anniversary of the first day we met) we will begin our journey together when we join as one. We will never walk alone again. Our hearts will become each other’s shelter and our arms become the other’s home.
Thought for the ‘big’ day:?We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon. But that doesn’t diminish its value. Because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives.~ Author Unknown ~